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July 20, 2004
All is well
Went to the midwife this morning, and all is well. At this point, of course, prenatal appointments are nothing but Measure 'n Listen (measure uterus length and listen to heartbeat), but that's enough.
For those who might be wondering...why a midwife?
Because she's there, that's why. Katie was delivered by a midwife, and the experience was so much better than any of the other three births, both before, during and after pregnancy, that there's no comparison. You're seen on time for your appointments, yet you don't feel rushed. There's a degree of respect and cooperation with a midwife that you just don't see with most doctors, despite recent decades' emphasis on incorporating fewer interventions and trying not treat pregnancy as a disease.
When we first moved to Fort Wayne, I looked for a midwife, but couldn't find one. Maybe she was hiding. I don't know. I knew for sure that there were no birth centers, so that unless I wanted to call the Amish and see what suggestions they had, I was stuck with an MD and a hospital. So with Joseph, that's how it went, and it didn't go well.
My first doctor stopped the OB part of her practice about halfway through my pregnancy, without warning. It was very strange. I think I was there on a Monday or something, and then on Thursday, got the card in the mail telling me that OB patients were being transferred. Well, okay, especially since this doctor had some mild some sort of palsy/tremors in her hands that made us kind of nervous.
The next doctor was fine. Personally, I liked him. An Indian fellow. (The first doctor had been from somewhere in the Caribbean. The pediatrician was from Afghanistan. Don't show me doctor shows on television with all-white casts but for the token African-American. Yeah. That's real.)
But the delivery was not fun. Because of stuff going on in my personal life - to put it bluntly, my mother was in her last weeks of life, and silly me, I thought that if we got this baby out soon, I/we could see her before she passed - I agreed to an induction (I was dilated like 3 cm and at the due date, but still). I won't bore you with details, but let's just say that all the dire warnings the midwives had given me before about interventions - they lead to more interventions, which leads to even more, and often, some distress - came true, and old Joseph ended up being pulled out by a suction. And sadly, it was too late anyway, for my mother passed away a few days later. However, I do feel that if I hadn't had the labor induced, I probably would have delivered in the next few days and not been able to go to the funeral. So, even though it wasn't the best, it was probably all for the best.
This time, I found the midwife - she's associated with the OBGYN practice of my second doctor, and says she joined just about the time I had Joseph - and although we have to go to the hospital, I'm much happier already. (And okay, I'm 44 so maybe it *is* a good idea to do this in the hospital). The whole thing so far is much more relaxed, natural and non-clinical. Which is, if you can manage, the way life should be brought into the world.
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All four of our children have been delivered by a pair midwives. My wife won't have it any other way - they were there for her throughout the hard labor periods, fully supportive of our attitudes and just darn great women to be around. We've seen the docs at the practice a few times (once for an amnio, and a couple of other things), but otherwise she deals exclusively with the CNMs, even for post-partum stuff.
Glad to hear it's going well.
Posted by: jquinby at Jul 20, 2004 1:48:46 PM
I like midwives, as well. I have had two pregnancies where midwives were part of the deal and I was very thankful. Especially with my third child, who was born by emergency C-section at 30 weeks gestation and my husband was unable to be there because he needed to be home with our other children. (Middle of the night, we'd just moved to a foreign country and didn't know anybody, etc.) However, since my pregancies are all high risk, I still have to see an OB for my regular care, deliver in a hospital, etc. So I don't get to take advantage of many of the bonuses that midwives offer. But if I could, I would.
Posted by: Stacey at Jul 20, 2004 2:03:25 PM
My second son was delivered by a midwife in a hospital 16 years ago. She stayed by us from the moment of admitting until the delivery with one brief break for dinner-I think that was about a 7 hour stretch. It was the night before Easter and she was calling home from the birthing room instructing her husband how to prepare tomorrow's dessert. All in all, a much better experience than with a doctor. She did all my well-woman care until I developed some minor health problems in my early forties-then I switched over to a gyn.
Posted by: Joanne at Jul 20, 2004 2:35:23 PM
I had no dealings with midwives, which isn't meant as a criticism of the board-certified kind.
But I was having my children in the 60s, when "family centered childbirth" was just coming in, but before sonograms were available. My husband stayed with me the whole time and could visit any time. Small world: our second and third children were delivered by the father of the VOTF founder. Both were induced and given the time it would have taken to get to the hospital, this was the difference that saved our son's life. (Went from 5 minute contractions to delivery in half an hour and he couldn't breathe when born.) I had a ridiculously easy time in labor, sat up in bed reading science fiction novels, and had only brief periods of hard labor. Minimal pain relief and no special intervention in delivery. Alert and chipper afterwards.
Posted by: Sandra Miesel at Jul 20, 2004 2:47:53 PM
We feel blessed to have a Catholic NFP Family Practitioner in our area - Dr. Ted Anselmi. He made a huge difference in the birth of our third child compared to our first two. More personal attention, and a general attitude that he really did care - that we weren't just another couple delivering a child. I think a lot of that compassion just comes from being a family practitioner upholding traditional Catholic family values.
Posted by: Jason at Jul 20, 2004 3:49:09 PM
Glad to hear all is well. I don't have much experience in this area, as we are in the process of becoming parents through adoption. [We're traveling this weekend to Russia to meet our boys!]
Another poster's mention of an NFP OBGYN prompts me to mention the Tepeyac Family Center in Northern VA (& MD). They are mostly Catholic doctors (ie, some nonCaths) adherent to the magisterium. They help w/NFP as well. Their practice includes PA's, one of whom in particular I really like. She's a warm and sensible lady. The spiritual as well as medical support as we have sought to become parents has been a great blessing. Check them out if you're in DC metro area. They have a web site.
Posted by: peggy at Jul 20, 2004 4:13:27 PM
My wife and I didn't have a midwife for the delivery of our first child, but we did have a doula.
It turned out to be a great experience. My wife wanted to avoid as many interventions as possible. She only had one dose of Nubane (sp?). I think that she was able to handle the ordinary (hah!--I mean in the sense that there were no big problems that had to be dealt with) challenges of childbirth because of the many strategies that the doula used to relieve pain naturally.
Posted by: Sean Gallagher at Jul 20, 2004 5:13:24 PM
I wish I'd had the pleasure of a midwife assisting at the birth of both my sons. First labour was short -- 4.5 hours -- and everything went well. Didn't see Carl till next AM -- in an incubator! Was told he had "feeding problems" (no specifics). Birth took place on a Friday, I was turfed out on Mon. because they needed the bed, and for the 1st wk. of Carl's life travelled to the hosp. (about 30 mins. away) to feed him. Thank God, 21 yrs. later he's healthy and has no feeding probs whatever: the grocery bill attests to that! The whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth ... With our second son, Tim, things were much better. He developed jaundice and was placed in light therapy. Just the same, I had time with him every day and spent a whole wk. with him till it was time to go home. It was a smaller hospital, with a whole different attitude. Oddly enough, the hospital where Carl was born was a "Catholic" hospital -- go figure! Glad to hear all is well with you and "Junior", Amy. Hope it continues to be so. God bless you all.
Posted by: Patricia Gonzalez at Jul 20, 2004 5:31:34 PM
I've had two of my children with midwives and if I am so glad we went this route. With our little girl who was born in March, I had a Certified Nurse midwife who was in practice with an NFP only OBGYN. I already had a homebirth with a lay midwife but decided to go with a CNM because of her relationship with a great NFP Doc and because she delivered in and out of the hospital so if I had to be transfered for any reason, she would still manage my care in the hospital. I have had bad experiences with friends who had to be transfered to the hospital from a homebirth and were treated horribly because they didn't have an OB.
I'm very glad I went this route because 2 1/2 hours into labor at the Birth Center, my midwife checked me at my request because I just had a sense that something was off. She found out that I was at a five and my daughter had done some kind of moving and was presenting hands or feet (turns out it was hand) so we got into the car and made the five minute drive to the hospital. My water broke in the hospital parking lot and I definitely knew something was wrong then. I felt something come out, (her hand) got into the hospital and was fully dilated My midwife was calm and in charge the whole time. She even made some of the nurses leave because their frenzy was only making me anxious. My Doc was fabulous. He came in did a sono to see what was going on, trying to save me from the c-section but found out her shoulder was engaged and there was no putting her back.
I was struck by how great the relationship between my midwife and Doctor was. He did not come in barking orders at everybody, he consulted with my midwife and was great about telling me what he was going to have to do.
He ended up having to do a c-section with a large vertical incision and he knew that it would affect our future childbirth plans. He talked to my husband even after I was taken to prep for surgery explaining that he wished he could do it differently but in order to get my daughter out safely, he would have to do it this way.
My midwife was with me through the whole surgery and after delivery. Even though I will have to have a planned c-section with my subsequent children I will still get to recieve all my prenatal care from my midwife and then the Doc will come in to perform the c-section.
Some people would think that was a horror story illustrating why you shouldn't have a child outside of the hospital but I tell them that it was because I had such great care from a midwife that it turned out so well. A midwife encourages you to trust that your body can do it and to listen to your body when you think something might be wrong.A midwife is there to work with you as opposed to the average Doctor that's there to "manage" the birth. Sorry that was so long
Posted by: Elizabeth S. at Jul 20, 2004 7:46:50 PM
Hi, Amy: Didn't know you were pregnant - Congratulations!!
Joanne M
Posted by: Joanne at Jul 21, 2004 8:52:23 AM
I think a midwife can be very good if the midwife works well with your doctor. However, some midwives say that have a good relationship when in fact that relationship is very strained. Also some midwives have some very pecular medical ideas (no antibiotics for instance). What you don't want is a conflict at delivery time. Also make sure your doctor approves of the idea in general, i.e. you aren't at high risk or very likely for a c-section.
Also if you are in a state or area that has strong family doctors (they aren't abandoning thier OBGYN part of the practice) I think it might be a mistake to involve a midwife. Its akin to having a family doctor but deciding to get a pediatrian for the kids. Now most of you in the US are in areas where family doctors are abandoning the high risk (i.e. OBGYN) parts of there practice but there are still plenty of parts of the country where this is not happening. I live in Wisconsin and the family doctor situation is fine compared with Ohio where I used to live and the situation is the exact opposite.
Posted by: David Hart at Jul 21, 2004 10:36:39 AM
Hi Amy,
I never had a midwife, but I had my 5th child at 43 and I thought you might like to know that the birth was virtually painless.
I had a fall at a remote cottage in northern Ontario on Saturday night, woke up Sunday and realized that we should rush home, where I went straight to the hospital. I was exhausted and, having experienced 4 very tough labours, didn't know how I was going to face giving birth again. Fortunately I had time for 3 rosaries.
On Monday afternoon my doctor, who had delivered 3 of my other children and knew what my labours were like, said she would induce me if labour didn't start soon. When they checked, I was almost fully dilated. I was able to push my son out right away.
I don't think I got off easy because he was my 5th. It was just a wonderful gift and I announced to the whole delivery room that the 3 rosaries had done it.
I did have a Scottish-midwife-trained nurse and she gave excellent advice throughout.
I hope you have the same blessing when your time comes.
Maura
Posted by: Maura Brown at Jul 21, 2004 11:09:48 AM
I have 9 children,one C section, one midforceps rotation delivery, one spontaneous-but unhappy-vaginal delivery in the hospital, and 6 home births, two with direct entry midwives, 3 with just my husband there but prenatal care and phone backup from a family practice MD, and the last one with a certified nurse midwife.(We had moved away from the wonderful family practice MD and lived much farther from a hospital than previously and were luckily able to find this CNM whose backup would let her do a home birth for me.)
Probably the Amish would have been a good option. I am on a Midwives list to which a midwife for the Amish is one of the main contributors, and she has an excellant record and really knows her stuff.
My own personal opinion is, unless there are complications now, find a midwife who will work with you at home. This will probably not be a certified nurse midwife, as insurance problems and relations with the medical profession will not let them do this although many would like to. It would be a direct entry midwife. There is now a national organization which certifies these, so it isn't as difficult to know what they know as it used to be. As with every practitioner, you have to ask about their experience and their ideas about birth, to see if they are enough like yours that you can work together. Being 44 would mean a long labor probably for a first time mom, but wouldn't necessarily make a long labor for a multip. If you have good health generally, good nutrition, you are not very likely to hemorrhage, and it is a very rare case of post partum bleeding which doesn't go slowly enough that transfer to a hospital can be done before there is excessive loss of blood. There is of course, a lot more chance that the baby will have Down's Syndrome, but this is still just a 1-2% chance. And there is no reason why a Down's baby can't be born at home. He or she should probably have an earlier newborn exam than a normal baby, to check for heart problems.
Just wishing you to have the happiest birth you can, and loved my own home births.
Susan Peterson
Posted by: Susan F Peterson at Jul 21, 2004 5:18:18 PM
As soon as I saw the topic, I suspected this would be a popular thread. Why do women like to talk about their deliveries so much?
Anyway, with only one child, I don't have that much experience. Her birth, however, was a nightmare not to be repeated. I went into labor late on the day before my due date. Contractions were within my doctor's prescribed parameters by 6 a.m. the next day, and we left for the hospital where my labor promptly stopped. Since my doctor was leaving on vacation the same day, I was induced, and that was the end of my plans for a non-medicated delivery. My daughter was born a little after 9.
Up to this point the delivery had been uneventful, but about an hour and a half later when I was back in my room and talking to a relative on the phone, everything started to go black. A nurse chased my husband out and called code blue since I was hemmorrhaging, and a number of people came running. At this point they discovered that my doctor had already left on vacation.
I've never been able to find out what happened. Someone pulled something out of me, and after that they were able to get the bleeding stopped. My doctor in subsequent visits would not talk to me about what happened, so I suspect he was afraid of a lawsuit. Someone on the hospital staff told me a few days later that she had never seen anything like she saw in my room that day.
My daughter was jaundiced and under the lights for a couple of days.
I spent a week in the hospital, for most of which I started to black out every time I stood up, and dealt with the pounding spinal headache which I still had when I went home. Was home for about 48 hours when I hemmorrhaged again and was put on 24-hr. bedrest for another week. After that I was able to get up but was still weak.
After this experience, I was afraid to even think about ever having another baby in a hospital, but the combination of my RH factor (negative) and the other problems would have prevented my ever having one at home. This was in 1978, and midwives were not all that common then. Today I'd be looking into a midwife if I were pregnant.
Posted by: Carrie at Jul 21, 2004 5:53:54 PM
Wow, I guess I should check in more often! Congratulations Amy! My reproductive life is one area that I have steadfastly refused to give God even a small toehold in. I have resisted his will in this area to the utmost. Paradoxically, I enjoy hearing about those who are open to God's blessings. I see how wonderful it is, and how it increases one's reliance on God, but I refuse to give up control. And so here this 44 year old woman sits, at work at 6:30 p.m., pondering what might have been and being grateful for the example of others. Bless you Amy.
Posted by: Maureen McDaid at Jul 21, 2004 8:32:44 PM
Congrats on making the choice that matters to you and your family. I personally had my first two babies in hospital with OB docs, my middle two at home with an illegal midwife, my last two in hospital with CNMs. I decided to become a midwife after my second birth, and 20 years and 4 more kids later I finished my Masters degree in Nursing and took my CNM boards.
Alas, the profession to which I belong is under attack from both sides right now. I appreciate that you are willing to defend us. My big complaint about my fellow CNMs is that so many of us have caved in to the contraceptive culture (and those of us who haven't can't seem to find work, even at 'Catholic' health care facilities).
Posted by: alicia the midwife at Jul 22, 2004 6:48:00 PM
